I did not make it.
I feel really sorry for my student. Wasn't in the best of mood yesterday when I taught her because prior to her lesson, I just had to be overly excited to check my application status. And then, it suddenly hit me, like how a truck could easily crush a kitten. I did not get it. Hah, don't ask me how I came up with such a weird analogy, but I really felt like that. All I wanted to do then was to lie down and just melt/disappear and not go on with my plans for the day. I needed time alone. To accede to the fact that, for the 92837598th time in a row, I have once again failed to meet my personal expectations. Seriously so sick of feeling disappointed right now. At this rate, I can totally fail in life and still be okay with things because I'm used to it. It'll take forever for me to finish listing the number of times I get so close to some form of academic success that is actually recognised by the people around me. I know, these may be perceived as minor setbacks in life and I should be contented/thankful because I am at least offered a place in one of the most popular courses. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT (I totally sound like a spoilt brat here). You may call it being overambitious but is it really that stupid of me to want something that interests me? Wishful thinking on my part, eh? I think so too. Should have realised that earlier. Totally should have seen that so many people will 'oh-so-suddenly' be interested in something that they don't know fuck about.
Ugh, I'm being really resentful here. Shall bake something soon. I don't want this blog to have too much of a negative vibe. It's supposed to be for me to record my happy days before school starts again.
